I was in kindergarten the last time Clifford the Big Red Dog had this much influence on my life. Back then, I was just as impatient as Alabama fans are right now while they try to find meaning in every cryptic cartoon post on social media ahead of former Rutgers forward Clifford Omoruyi’s transfer decision.

Fortunately for Tide fans, Omoruyi will announce his next school later today, putting an end to assistant head coach Preston Murphy’s shenanigans. Still, regardless of how Alabama basketball fairs on this weekend’s version of Selection Sunday, there’s going to be more impatient waiting in store.

If Omoruyi commits elsewhere, the anticipation he generated will be quickly shifted toward Kentucky transfer Ugonna Onyenso, who is also more than capable of filling Alabama’s rim-protecting needs.

If Big Cliff chooses to roll with the Tide, his commitment will draw a brief celebration and a few sighs of relief. However, Alabama fans won’t be able to truly relax until star point guard Mark Sears makes his NBA draft decision after hearing back from teams over the next few weeks.

Alabama football faces the same anxious uncertainties as Kalen DeBoer looks to put the finishing touches on his first roster with what’s remaining in the transfer portal.

While we wait for Alabama’s offseason moves to play out, here are a few Crimson Tide thoughts to pass the time. Pour yourself a drink, and let's dive in.

Out of protest toward Alabama basketball’s lack of defensive effort in late February/early March, I let y’all down when it came to a drink for St. Patrick’s Day. Now that a new drinking holiday has arrived, I’ll make up for it with an actual cocktail fitting for the occasion.

If you want to go the classic route of margaritas or palomas for Cinco de Mayo, I won’t stop you. But our friends at Session Cocktails mix up a great version of the Mexican Firing Squad, which is a nice alternative to the tequila drinks typically ordered today.

This is one of the oldest tequila cocktails in the books and was first recorded by historian Charles H. Baker in his 1939 guide The Gentleman’s Companion. Baker was a former merchant who traveled around the world absorbing the best of different cultures. Think of this ruby-red concoction as another homage to a certain transfer portal big man who has captivated the Alabama fanbase with his tour around the country over the past few weeks.

Baker discovered this drink in a swanky Mexico City cocktail bar named “La Cucaracha.” A few of them almost knocked him and his buddy out, but not before he was able to document the cocktail for the rest of us to enjoy.

This drink is pretty simple and can be assembled to taste. But here’s how the pros at Session put it together.

Add two ounces of blanco tequila, .75 ounces of grenadine, .75 ounces of fresh lime juice and five dashes of bitters into a shaker with ice and shake until chilled. From there, strain over ice and garnish with a lime wheel.

This drink offers a similar harmony to the firing squad Nate Oats is trying to assemble on the court. If done right, it marries together a nice blend of tequila punch, sweet drinkability and complementary spices to tie everything together. Drink one to celebrate if Omoruyi decides to roll with the Tide and add to Alabama basketball’s dream lineup today. Drink several more if the talented big man elects to transfer somewhere else.

Cheers!

(Commercial break: My drink of the week section is now sponsored by my friends at Session Cocktails in Tuscaloosa. Session has been a mainstay in Tuscaloosa’s cocktail scene since 2019 and offers some of the tastiest drinks in town. Stop by and tell them I said hi!)

Kalen DeBoer is a boring interview. I doubt the first-year head coach has time to read this column, but if he does, I hope he doesn’t take that the wrong way.

Despite his busy schedule, DeBoer has been extremely generous with his time. In fact, he’s appeared on so many podcasts and radio hits over the past few months that it’s hard to keep track of them all. The only problem is he rarely reveals much in any of them.

Good luck mining for a hot take from the humble South Dakota native. Shoot, you’ll be hard-pressed to get him to reveal his taste in music, much less any of the hot topics surrounding the SEC. Unlike his predecessor, he won’t even provide a sound bite scolding reporters for bringing up tough topics. So keep asking. DeBoer has a measured answer and a smile for anything you throw at him.

And man, do I respect him for it.

It doesn’t seem like we’ll get much ground-breaking information from any of the media appearances DeBoer has planned over the summer. But if you look closely, each one provides a better understanding of the head coach’s character. That was the case earlier this week when I unexpectedly found myself in the middle of a two-on-one interview with DeBoer during a morning radio show.

For a j̶o̶u̶r̶n̶a̶l̶i̶s̶t̶ functioning human being, I’m terrible at reading details. So when I was approached last Tuesday night about joining a local Indiana radio show for a segment with DeBoer the next morning, I accepted without giving it much thought.

I figured they’d want me to give my early opinion on DeBoer following his segment. And I’ll be honest, I was far more concerned with how I was going to wake up in time to look presentable by 7:50 a.m. than I was about the interview itself.

To my surprise, a couple of seconds after wiping the last bits of sleep from my eyes, I was brought on in the middle of DeBoer’s interview with Jim Coyle, an Indiana radio host the head coach had developed a relationship with during his lone season as the Hoosiers offensive coordinator in 2019.

For the next 35 minutes, Coyle, DeBoer and I carried out a light-hearted interview, ranging from the Mullet Toss to some brief transfer talk. I didn’t hit DeBoer with anything too hard. One, because the interview itself was a bit of a surprise to me. And two, because a reunion between the head coach and one of his friends on the Indiana Sports Beat radio show didn’t seem like the appropriate place to break down what’s going on with Alabama’s center position.

Once again, another DeBoer media appearance came and went without generating many headlines. However, I can’t say I didn’t learn something from my morning chat with the head coach.

As far as takeaways are concerned, here’s my biggest one. If DeBoer is willing to devote 35 minutes of his free time toward reconnecting with a radio host from a place where he was never a head coach, imagine the dedication he has toward his Alabama players and staff.

Every coaching style is different, and there’s no arguing the success and relationships Nick Saban maintained during his 16 seasons at Alabama. However, you can count on an amputated hand the number of times he was willing to help out local media in the way DeBoer did Wednesday.

We are in a new era at Alabama. This one figures to feature far fewer rants and perhaps a bit more boredom when it comes to press conferences. While it might feel dull in the dead months of the offseason, I’m excited to be a part of it and eager to see how it plays out moving forward.

If you aren’t already familiar with Alabama’s new defensive lingo, you better start learning. Kane Wommack’s 4-2-5 defense won’t look all that different from the Tide’s recent nickel formation. However, the set up does feature some new terminology.

Alabama’s Jack and Sam linebackers have been replaced by the Bandit and Wolf positions. The weakside linebacker spot, which Saban referred to as the Will, is now called a Sting. Meanwhile, the slot cornerback is now referred to as the Husky instead of the Star.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this fan base, it’s that it doesn’t like change. Sorry, I can’t do anything about that. These positions are here to stay, so you’re going to have to get used to them.

If there’s another thing I've learned about this fan base, it’s that it will put up with me being a cornball from time to time. With that in mind, humor me a bit while I have a little fun by renaming Wommack’s position groups to make them a bit more Alabama-friendly.

Current name — > Alabama version

Bandit — > Trunk: The Bandit role is essentially a heavy edge rusher and will be filled by Jah-Marien Latham (6-foot-3, 275 pounds) and Texas A&M transfer LT Overton (6-5, 265). It’s part of the defensive front and requires a bigger defender who also has some length. The Trunk position not only accurately describes the role but also sounds pretty cool.

Wolf —> Tusk: The Wolf role uses players with similar body types to those who manned the Jack and Sam positions. While the Wolf is required to drop back in coverage some, its primary role is to attack the quarterback. Keeping with the elephant theme, the Tusk is just a natural fit for what this position should be called.

Sting — > Wave: To be honest, I’m kind of a fan of the terms Bandit and Wolf. However, Wommack lost me at the Sting position. The reason why the Will linebacker is referred to as such is because it lines up on the weak side of the defense. Sting might fit some of the weakside linebacker’s duties, but I prefer keeping the W theme here.

My proposal to Wommack is to change the name to the Wave. Along with matching Alabama’s Crimson Tide nickname, the term Wave also describes the side-line-to-sideline athleticism defenders will need at the position.

Husky — > Surge: These position names come from Wommack, so the Husky has nothing to do with DeBoer’s time at Washington. Instead, the name describes the bigger build of the defensive back required to man the position. Saban referred to his slot defender as a Star because stars have five points and that was the fifth defensive back on the field in the nickel setup.

Surge describes how the slot defensive back crashes down to the box, similar to a surge wave. It’s also a five-letter word for the fifth defensive back.

Rover — > Riptide: The Rover is one of two deep safeties on the field. While the free safety serves as the centerfielder of secondary, the Rover requires a defensive back who is both athletic and strong enough to creep in and provide support against the run.

A riptide is a strong and dangerous current capable of taking swimmers down in shallow areas. That fits some of the job requirements of the Rover role. It’s not perfect, but it sounds cool so I’m going with it.

***

There you have it, elephant themes on the front line and tidal themes behind that. This will likely cause even more confusion on the boards and probably didn’t help anyone understand Wommack’s defense.

Hopefully, it brought a few laughs though.

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