Tony's take: Matching SEC programs with European soccer teams
The beautiful game isn’t big around these parts. I’ve managed to find a few pockets of fellow soccer fans in the South, but for the most part, the only football people in Alabama care about is the kind the Crimson Tide will be playing on Saturdays in the fall.
I don't have a problem with that. You won’t find me forcing the Premier League down anyone’s throats. And we’ll save any discussion of the offside rule for another day.
However, since we’re still more than two months away from the college football season, I’m humbly suggesting a temporary substitution for any fans willing to step out of their comfort zone.
International soccer is one of the few sports that comes close to matching the passion and pageantry of college football. Anyone searching for that fix of drama and excitement in the dead of summer needs to look no further than the UEFA European Championship.
We’re already a week into the month-long tournament, but it’s not too late to join the party. For those of you who are unfamiliar with soccer or don’t have a team to root for, I’ve got you covered. In today’s column, I’ve come up with a guide to the tournament by matching each SEC team to their European counterpart.
With that said, pour yourself a drink, and let's dive in.
Drink of the week — Cool as a Cucumber
Maybe I’ve grown out of touch with today’s pop culture, but I don’t really understand Alabama’s #coldsummer recruiting campaign. It makes even less sense to me after I braved the 95-degree heat at Justice Haynes and Ryan Williams’ football camp on Saturday.
Regardless, it seems to be working. The Crimson Tide added a commitment from four-star offensive lineman Micah DeBose on Saturday evening. That makes eight commitments since the beginning of the month.
In honor of Alabama’s “cold summer,” this week’s drink is one that should help you stay cool on these sticky summer days. The “Cool as a Cucumber” drink was created by local bartender Terrence Hughes at Session Cocktails and offers a sweet and refreshing taste fitting of its name.
To make this one, you need an ounce and a half of honeysuckle vodka, two ounces of soda water, an ounce and a half of salted cucumber cordial, a half ounce of genepy liqueur and a fourth of an ounce of cane syrup. Shake all the ingredients except the soda water over ice, then strain into a fresh glass with ice. From there, top it off with the soda water. Garnish with a cucumber and do your best to have a #coldsummer of your own.
Cheers!
(Commercial break: My drink of the week section is now sponsored by my friends at Session Cocktails in Tuscaloosa. Session has been a mainstay in Tuscaloosa’s cocktail scene since 2019 and offers some of the tastiest drinks in town. Stop by and tell them I said hi!)
Matching SEC programs to European soccer teams
Alabama — Germany
I paired Alabama with Germany three years ago. While both teams have gone through transition since then, they still match up well today.
Alabama and Germany have long been feared for their machine-like precision and ruthlessness on the field, but both have seen their intimidation factor fade recently.
Host Germany is still viewed as one of the favorites in this year’s tournament. However, consecutive group-stage exits in the World Cup have created a bit of doubt. Alabama is still one of the contenders for this year’s College Football Playoff, but some question how the Crimson Tide will perform without Nick Saban at the helm.
Speaking of changes in leadership, Alabama (Kalen DeBoer) and Germany (Julian Nagelsmann) both have first-year head coaches. Both DeBoer and Nagelsmann bring modern, offensive philosophies that offer plenty of excitement for their teams moving forward.
Arkansas — Hungary
It’s getting more and more difficult to remember that there was a time when these teams were good.
Arkansas has never been what you would call a college football power, but the Razorbacks did win a national title in 1964 and have claimed 13 conference championships in their program history.
Hungary dominated during the early 1950s, recording 42 wins, seven draws and just one loss from 1950-56. That span saw the “Mighty Magyars” win gold in the 1952 Olympics while finishing runner-up in the 1954 World Cup. Hungary also earned gold in 1964 and 1968.
Lately, the Hogs and the Hungarians haven’t come away with much hardware. That won’t change this year as neither team is expected to compete for a title.
Auburn — Italy
Auburn and Italy are both talented sides missing a key component. The Tigers have plenty of weapons on offense but don’t have a proven passer to get them the ball. Meanwhile, Gli Azzurri is stacked in midfield and defense but lacks the goal-scorer to capitalize on its chances.
Auburn and Italy both experience roller-coaster waves of success. The Tigers have claimed a national title and two SEC championships in the past 14 years but have won seven or fewer games in six seasons over that span. Italy is the defending European champion but has failed to qualify for the past two World Cups.
Florida — Croatia
Both seem to be a shell of their former glory. Florida last made the SEC Championship Game in 2020 when it lost to eventual national champion Alabama. Croatia made it to the final of the 2018 World Cup before falling to France. Now, both teams seem poised to continue to fade away into non-contender status.
Croatia is led by 38-year-old Luka Modric, while Florida has sixth-year senior Graham Mertz at quarterback. Both players are still decent, but neither are good enough at the moment to lead their teams to glory.
Georgia — France
They are both stockpiled with talent at every position and are the favorites to take home their respective titles. Georgia doesn’t have a player quite as exciting as France’s Kylian Mbappé. Still, Bulldogs’ quarterback Carson Beck might end up going No. 1 overall in next year’s NFL draft.
Kentucky — Scotland
They are both better at whiskey than football. While Kentucky and Scottland have decent players, most of them would be backups on bigger teams.
There’s nothing wrong with Scottland’s John McGinn or Scott McTominay, but they aren’t getting into France’s midfield. Similarly, Brock Vandagriff is a capable quarterback, but there’s a reason he transferred from Georgia to Kentucky.
LSU — Belgium
They’re both considered contenders this year, but it seems as though they’ve missed their window for a title.
LSU had to settle for the ReliaQuest Bowl last season despite boasting an offense that featured Heisman Trophy winner Jayden Daniels as well as fellow first-round picks Malik Neighbors and Brian Thomas Jr. Similarly, Belgium has all but wasted a golden generation that has featured Eden Hazard, Romelu Lukaku and Kevin De Bruyne.
Mississippi State — Ukraine
There’s reason for excitement and optimism moving forward, but it’s going to require patience.
Ukraine showed it’s potential with a 2-1 win over Slovakia on Friday. However, that came after an embarrassing 3-0 loss to Romania in its opener. Don’t be surprised if Jeff Lebby has a similarly up-and-down season in his first year in charge of Mississippi State.
Missouri — Netherlands
If you are looking for a trendy dark-horse pick, this is your duo. Missouri and the Netherlands both feature fun young teams who have the talent to punch above their weight this year.
Missouri hasn’t been to the SEC championship game since 2013 while the Netherlands are hoping to get past the quarterfinal stage at the Euros for the first time since 2008. Both programs have had exciting teams in the past and things could line up this year if the right dominos fall.
Mizzou has an explosive and creative passing attack led by quarterback Brady Cook and elite wideout Luther Burden III, similar to a talented and fun Dutch forward line that is bound to put on a show over the next few weeks.
Oklahoma — Denmark
Optimistically, you could call both these teams dark horses for their respective competitions. Oklahoma has a young quarterback in Jackson Arnold, while Denmark has a young striker in Rasmus Højlund. Both could lead their teams to greatness, but it probably won’t happen this year.
Ole Miss — Portugal
The clock is ticking for these two. Ole Miss and Portugal have the star power to come away with titles, but it won’t last forever. While they aren’t quite in the same tier as Georgia/France or Texas/England, it’s probably fair to lump them in with Alabama/Germany as the next group of contenders.
Portugal will have an easier time rebuilding its roster in years to come than Ole Miss will. Still, both will kick themselves if they are unable to capitalize on the opportunity in front of them.
South Carolina — Turkey
They both have a weird little moon on their flag. They’ll also be relying on young players to pull off some upsets.
Sure, South Carolina doesn’t have a talent like Turkey’s Arda Gular. However, I’d like to see the Turks come up with an answer to Carolina Gold barbecue sauce.
Tennessee — Spain
Both have an exciting crop of new talent, especially on the offensive side of the ball. Tennessee has one of college football’s most exciting young players in redshirt freshman quarterback Nico Iamaleava. Spain features 16-year-old Lamine Yamal, who has the talent to be the best player in the world in a few years.
While Tennessee has been waiting a bit longer, the Volunteers and La Roja are both looking to return to past glory. If they’re young players are able to rise to the occasion, that could come as early as this year.
Texas A&M — Serbia
Neither of these teams will do much this year, but expectations should probably be higher based on the talent on their rosters.
Texas A&M has a potential first-round pick at quarterback in Conner Weigman, while Serbia has a pair of talented strikers in Aleksandar Mitrović and Dusan Vlahović. However, recent years haven’t provided much reason for optimism for either side.
Serbia has a loss and a draw through its first two games. First-year head coach Mike Elko might prove me wrong, but I’m expecting the Aggies to have a similarly uninspiring showing this fall.
Texas — England
There isn’t a better pairing on this list.
Both teams routinely fail to capitalize despite having one of the biggest talent bases at their disposal. They also fall victim to their own favoritism in terms of roster decisions. Despite all that, they feel as though they are the standard in their respective sports. Both even have cringey sayings that end up turning into memes when they inevitably fall short.
Still, England and Texas appear to be on the verge of finally breaking through.
England finished runner-up during the last European tournament, advancing to the finals before losing to Italy in penalty kicks. Texas made the College Football Playoff last year before losing to Washington.
Is football coming home for England? Is Texas back? We’ll have to wait and see.
Vanderbilt — Albania
Name an Albanian player. Now name a Vanderbilt player. See what I mean? Both teams have enough talent to possibly ruin things for others, but winning is out of the question.
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