Alabama Crimson Tide Record: 10-0 (7-0)
OK, the Mississippi State game was "The Hangover." Maybe the Chattanooga game will be "Hangover II." The Auburn game? Well, we all know what a disaster "Hangover III" was.
Auburn Tigers Record: 10-1 (6-1)
"Now, whether or not what we experienced was an 'according to Hoyle' miracle is insignificant." -- Jules from Pulp Fiction after the Auburn-Georgia game last Saturday.
Missouri Tigers Record: 9-1 (5-1)
If I had told you in the preseason that the Ole Miss-Missouri game would have SEC Championship implications, you would have thought Hugh Freeze had worked some magic. Instead, it is Mizzou that still has dreams of Atlanta -- although I think they end in Oxford this weekend...
South Carolina Gamecocks Record: 8-2 (6-2)
And if Mizzou can't come through, look who is back in the Championship Game. Steve Spurrier, that's who.
Texas A&M Aggies Record: 8-2 (4-2)
Here's an SEC Logic Problem. Johnny Manziel is leaving. The Texas A&M defense is staying. What will Kevin Sumlin do if offered the USC job?
Ole Miss Rebels Record: 7-3 (3-3)
The Rebels fell out of sight by losing to the three SEC West powers but are playing as well as anyone not named Alabama right now.
LSU Tigers Record: 7-3 (3-3)
A bit of a disappointing year for the Tigers gets worse if they can't handle Texas A&M this weekend. Les Miles responds that you never see Diet Coke in Patagonia for some reason. To him, it makes sense.
Vanderbilt Commodores Record: 6-4 (3-4)
There appears to be a good chance that Vanderbilt will go to the bowl at Legion Field in January, which is great incentive to either win its last two games or forfeit them.
Georgia Bulldogs Record: 6-4 (4-3)
Since the 2009 season began, Georgia has a 42-25 record. To me, that number is vaguely disturbing. Not to Georgia fans, though. They think it is great. They should change their school fight song to Meat Loaf's "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad." Mark Richt should never leave to take the Vanderbilt job, because Vandy's expectations are higher.
Florida Gators Record: 4-6 (3-5)
Will Muschamp punched out a blackboard at halftime of Florida's loss to South Carolina. If the Gators lose to Georgia Southern, he has vowed to swallow the class hamster alive.
Tennessee Volunteers Record: 4-6 (1-5)
One positive thing about the giant sinkhole that has swallowed UT football in recent years: it has given a whole new meaning to the Vandy-Tennessee rivalry, or as it is now known, The Battle For Bowl Eligibility.
Mississippi State Bulldogs Record: 4-6 (1-5)
Mississippi State is the Kenny G of SEC football. You may not like it, but it never upsets anybody. Arkansas is unranked. Hence, MSU has a chance to win.
Arkansas Razorbacks Record: 3-7 (0-6)
The Razorbacks look to avoid their longest losing streak ever with a win over MSU. It has been a tough transition year for Bret Bielema, who is trying to transform Arkansas into a tough, physical football team or, in other words, not Georgia.
Kentucky Wildcats Record: 2-8 (0-6)
It's the time of the year where the Wildcats, realizing that nothing good is happening, move back home and live on the couch. "Ma, what channel is the basketball game on?!?"